Crossroads
by Yami-kun
Summary: Seto faces rejection from a loved one...Now, Yami must show him that only he can decide his fate...that there is more than one path to the future *Entry for Zoo's fanfic contest*


*groans* I don't know _why_ FF.net won't show this as a new update..But thank you to the few who read/reviewed this^_^  
  
A/N: I'd like to thank a friend of mine, who unintentionally gave me the inspiration for this fic. It was her beautiful signature quote (that she got from an anima/manga) that encouraged me to write "Crossroads". Thank you, anonymous friend!  
  
Also, a BIG thanks to Pikachumaniac and Neko-chan, who beta-ed this story!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~Crossroads~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I'm not gay."  
  
Cool blue eyes stared back at him, devoid of any emotion or reaction. But Joey knew that behind the calm façade was a broken man, stripped of all hope and longing. It had taken the other a great effort to leave his pride and vanity in order to build a pillar of courage. But now..because of Joey, the pillar had fallen into the ocean, where it lay crumbled, shattered, never to be rebuilt.  
  
Ah, yes, he could see it now. Joey felt the bitter, dark ocean, the subconscious disaster Kaiba's heart had conjured up. He watched the cold undulates of heart-break, regret, and fury churn in the other's eyes. The pain in those sapphire robs surpassed all Joey had ever witnessed.  
  
"Why?"  
  
It was no more than a whisper.  
  
Joey looked away, unable to face the silent ferocity of the man before him. Instead, he stared at the rough tarmac, tracing the texture with his eyes. He knew what to say - oh, he _definitely_ knew what to say - but the question was, how? How do you reject someone without hurting their feelings (if it isn't done so already)? How do you push someone away, when you were the first to befriend them? How can you gently subdue a raging storm with words alone?  
  
"Because.." Joey tried again, licking his lips nervously. The tarmac seemed to offer no consolation. "I'm sorry, Kaiba, but I can't do this. _We_ can't do this. It's not because I'm against homosexuality; I'm just not..interested..in guys. Besides," he added quickly, mustering up enough courage to swipe a glance at Kaiba, "I love Mai. I've never actually told anyone - not even Yugi.  
  
"The point is, I'm sorry. I'd go out with you and all, but how could I if I don't love you? I..I'm sorry it had to be this way, Kaiba. I really am. You're a good friend..I'm sure you'll find the right person in the future."  
  
Even as Joey rambled on, he could tell the brunette wasn't listening. A quick check confirmed his theory. Something was lost in those blue, blue eyes: the storm had waned, leaving only the debris along the shore. All energy had been siphoned away. There was no light. There was no life.  
  
"Kaiba..?" Joey dared himself to move forward. "Are you..ok?"  
  
When there was no response, he tried again, using a different tactic this time. "C'mon, man. Don't just stand there all day. I said I was sorry."  
  
Again, the same detachment.  
  
As a last resort, Joey strode up to the young man and warily waved a hand in front of the stoic face. "Anyone there? I told you, you're a great guy. You'll find someone else."  
  
Just as the blonde was about to make another attempt at getting a rejoinder, Kaiba suddenly jerked away, eyeing Joey one last time before walking briskly down the street. As Joey watched the navy coat billow in the afternoon breeze, he would never forget the dead look that had peered out at him.  
  
~*~  
  
He didn't know how long he'd been walking. Time became a meaningless entity. Did it matter whether it was day or night, that it was breakfast, lunch, or dinner? No..none of it mattered anymore, not after life itself had turned dispensable and valueless.  
  
He could have been following the twisted road for minutes, hours, even days.. traveling without motive or destination. Where it would take him, he did not know - or care, for that matter. But the dilapidated path seemed symbolic, giving a strange comfort that formed an asylum for his sanity: years back, the road would have been new, gleaming proudly with an inky blackness. Now it was no more than a forgotten derelict whose coveted colors had faded to a dull gray. It had been used, abandoned, and left for deterioration.  
  
Just like him. Seto Kaiba.  
  
He knew it was a mistake to befriend Yugi and his minions in the first place, that it would only lead to betrayal and heartbreak. Even at Duelist Kingdom, Kaiba had started to develop a strong connection with the blonde in the group..hence the dog jokes; Joey was the only one who could amuse the brunette with his banal antics and fiery character. But even as his love for the boy grew, Kaiba realized without a doubt that their future together was nonexistent.  
  
Then why did he so injudiciously confess his feelings?  
  
Because he had hope. _Had_ hope. Oh, if someone asked him now, Kaiba would have replied quite curtly that hope was a fallacious, misleading concept that should be ridiculed and damned to hell..that there was no such thing as "hope", only "pain" and "suffering". But the blonde had wielded too much influence on him during that time, leading him to believe in trifling things like light and love. "Have hope and all will be alright," he once said.  
  
So Kaiba did. And it turned out to be the biggest mistake in his life.  
  
Acerbity flooded through the CEO as he glared angrily at the pavement, as though to place all blame onto it. Why hadn't he heeded the logical warnings of his mind? Didn't past experience at the orphanage teach him anything? How could he have been so blind, so reckless, so _stupid_ as to listen to his heart?  
  
The crumbled surface of the blacktop stared back at him, oblivious to the young man's harsh berating.  
  
Why, _why_, WHY?! Not even his wealth or prestige could help him now. You certainly can't turn back time with a credit card, can you?  
  
Suddenly, Kaiba felt the one feeling he had never thought he'd experience: regret. Never in his life had he mourned over anything; there was no lament over his step-father's death, no tears during the trip to the orphanage, no remorse when his soul was captured. In fact, the more Kaiba thought about it, the more he realized that, yes, this was what he deserved. Things had gone far too well over the past few months with Yugi and the others - especially with Joey. It was no small wonder why no one shunned him out in the beginning, because the aftermath was far crueler than all affronts combined.  
  
As realization sank in, the emptiness in his heart grew, spreading like wild fire throughout every fiber of his being. Only fire was hot and scorching. No..this was water from the deepest corner of the underworld, leaving shards of ice through his veins as it swamped through. He would soon freeze to death, congealed by the regret, vacuity, and hurt that was the torrent's minerals.  
  
The deluge stopped.  
  
The water vanished.  
  
There was..nothing. Nothing at all..  
  
As Kaiba stared blankly at the pale tarmac, whose colors were darkened by the shadows of night, he was barely aware of the sensory deprivation that circumscribed him. He felt..empty, as if the whole of his body had been transformed to an ethereal image, just floating in midair, wondering aimless down the street. Past feelings disappeared, leaving only a cold, desolate void in his heart.  
  
Kaiba stopped. The path discontinued and gave way to a glass door, framed by strings of soft green light: the entrance to Domino's local bar. The obstacle seemed to beckon him in, and upon pushing open the door, Kaiba caught a glance at his own image.  
  
He was dead.  
  
~*~  
  
Darkness swirled around him, melding in with the black of the night. But unlike outside, this was animated, traveling with spasmodic movements as it twisted and turned, making some parts darker than others. Soft fluorescent lights liquefied the air, casting ripples of deep blue and cool purple in aimless circles. Their tranquility was thwarted by the angry blinding screams of red and orange, which blinked on and off to the rapid beat of the music, racing in the dark and setting everything aflame.  
  
Kaiba stumbled into the mixture of colors, staring blankly as he was enveloped in a flood of green, then royal magenta. Why did it matter anyway? He was _dead_. Joey had killed him, shattered his hope, his life. Colors made no difference; he could only see black and white.  
  
A pair of hands grabbed his arm, pulling him onto the neon dance floor. A quick glance told the brunette that the newcomer was no more than a high school delinquent, with obsidian spiked hair that stood out like a lance in the dark.  
  
"Come on, babe, let's go!"  
  
Normally, Kaiba would have scorned at the boy and commented on how worthless and pathetic he was, but instead he nodded mutely and began to sway to the music: a dismal, warped tune, a reflection of his heart.  
  
Dancing had never been a gift for him, yet no one would have guessed as the young CEO twisted in the dark, arms flailing like the waves of the sea. Kaiba closed his eyes and allowed the emptiness in him expand, conquering the whole of his being until he could no longer feel his mind take control. Influenced by the barrenness, Kaiba could only briefly note the svelte movements of his limbs as they swung in concordance with the song: his arms raised and flexed, clawing at the air and painting a forgotten picture. He let his shoulders dip and body coil with aquatic elegance, swimming in a sea of river green. All senses were locked away as he focused on the dark melody, nodding his head and letting strands of chestnut hair fly. Bathed in a shower of cerulean, Kaiba looked like a fallen angel banished from heaven.  
  
Two bodies had placed themselves on either side of him, one being the teen who had invited Kaiba to dance, the other most likely his friend. A pair of hands snaked around his neck, rubbing sensually against the skin as they rocked to the beat of the music. Another looped an arm about his waist, as if to guide him through the rapturous display of colors. The three shadows swayed in unison, Kaiba sandwiched in the middle. He could feel the heated breaths of the two dancers as they encircled him, the clammy sensation of sweat as they continued their melodic trance.  
  
Yet his heart felt nothing. Despite the music, the dancing, the sensualities and alternating lights, there was still a large cavity in the center of his..soul, so to say. There seemed to be a gorge between his physical body and emotional form; one gave attention to the commotion around him, the other registering only a black abyss that stretched on endlessly.  
  
The obsidian-haired teen suddenly leaned forward and planted a sloppy kiss on Kaiba's lips. Cobalt eyes merely stared back at the boy, as if unable to convey the fleeting event. How could he, when his soul was dead? Without a soul - without _emotions_ - there was only an empty shell, incapable of thinking for itself.  
  
Seeing no objection from Kaiba, the teen eagerly tried again, this time shoving his tongue down the CEO's throat. Kaiba's expression remained aloof, staring into the mottled darkness of the bar - he didn't care. There was nothing to care about. It's just a kiss, isn't it? So it's by another guy..big deal.  
  
"I'm not gay."  
  
The words came back to haunt him.  
  
"I'm not gay."  
  
Louder, more stentorian than before.  
  
"I'm not gay."  
  
Dripping with a poison that could kill a thousand men.  
  
"I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay! I'M NOT GAY!!!"  
  
They bombarded his mind as one, a destructive bane as their connotations clashed against his skull, assaulting the bone with invisible arms of swords and spears. The phrases droned on and on like a broken record sang by a familiar voice. They clouded his logic, threatening to corrupt it, and for a moment Kaiba could literally see the words mocking him, terrorizing him, pushing him to the edge of his sanity.  
  
"STOP! Stop..just stop..please.." The once great and confident CEO fell to his knees, gripping his head as if to claw out all the little menaces inside. Tears streamed down his faces, blue under the lighting, splattering onto the wooden floor. Beautiful, unblemished features were contorted as choked cries vocalized their pain and frustration. "Why won't you leave me alone..? Why?! Isn't it enough that you killed me? Must you haunt an empty shell too?!"  
  
He couldn't control the sobs that rushed from his throat like a torrent. A small part of his mind blearily noted that the music had died, the teen who had been fervently kissing him disappeared, and all eyes were on him. But most of all, the familiar feeling of indifference and desolation groped his soul: nothing mattered. _Nothing_. He was alone. No one cared. And why should they? After all, he was simply a mere mortal among millions of others. He wasn't special. He wasn't exotic. A little frustration and heartbreak won't kill him, even if the rejection _did_ come from the love of his life. The random dancers didn't care. And Joey must certainly did not.  
  
'Or else he wouldn't have left me,' Kaiba thought bitterly.  
  
Then, overwhelmed by acerbity, sorrow, and all else, he raised his head to the heavens and screamed one agonizing word.  
  
"WHY?!"  
  
~*~  
  
Yami's ears perked up at the tortured cry and he immediately broke into a run towards the source of the sound. Joey had called him - in a quite upset manner - of Kaiba's confession, the rejection he gave him, the aftermath, everything. Although the blonde couldn't reciprocate the feelings Kaiba had for him, he still viewed him as a friend and was afraid the brunette might try something..imprudent.  
  
Which was why he called Yami.  
  
The game king picked up his pace as he recalled the last few words Joey had said: "He probably hates me now. But..can you check to see if he's alright? I'm worried that, well, I'm worried that he'll do something stupid. Please, Yami?" On the other end, Yami was sure that the blonde was close to tears and immediately agreed; besides, Kaiba was his friend as well, and he would never forgive himself if a tragedy could've be prevented and wasn't.  
  
The ominous shadows of the night flew past like a film without sound, save for the repetitive slapping of shoes against cement. Only the moon spared a thread of light, but it was enough for Yami to make out the twisting path leading to Kaiba. His muscles burned from the strenuous running and blood pounded through his head like a mallet, but time can't afford to be wasted. Brushing aside a bead of sweat, Yami could make out the faint green glow from the bar's doorway. As the image enlarged, he found a cluster of black forms gathered in a circle, seemingly around something. Fear gripped him as a terrifying thought was conjectured: what if Kaiba was in the middle that circle? Was he bleeding now, while everyone watched in horror and stupor? Did he have a gun, on the verge of shooting himself? The demoralizing questions only forced Yami to hurry, and before long he had burst through the double glass doors.  
  
Indeed, Kaiba was in the center of the human ring, stooped over, his lanky figure sagging with heavy lament. Yami watched in utter amazement as the other duelist cried his heart out; never in his entire life had he seen the brunette shed a tear..and now this was like a compensation for holding back before. Only a pitiful moan brought Yami back to the enormity of the situation, and he warily advanced toward the broken man.  
  
"Kaiba.? Are you alright?" It was a stupid question - of course the brunette was not alright. But Yami couldn't think of anything else to say, so he stood, feeling useless as he gazed down on the other.  
  
Finally, after the sobs seemed to have subsided, Yami placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and whispered, "Do you want to go now?"  
  
When there was no response, Yami slowly turned Kaiba's head around..and gasped in horror. The once commanding, assertive eyes - those of which were bluer than the oceans themselves - had faded to little more than gray. Left in their place were pale irises that held almost no semblance of their original color. It was..distressing, to say the least, to see the formerly arrogant CEO being reduced to this.  
  
With a heavy heart, the ex-pharaoh swung one of Kaiba's arms around his neck, and placed his hand on the other's waist to support him. It was an awkward position, seeing that the brunette was almost twice Yami's height, and the game king would've bet his best card that the CEO would most certainly have pulled away by now, being the autonomous being he was. But Kaiba merely stared ahead, eyes focused on an invisible world.  
  
Together the two made their way slowly out of the bar - the king of game doing most of the work with Kaiba leaning heavily against him. Yami tried to ignore the curious eyes as they trudged along but it was hard, especially with the eerie silence that continued to reign over the crowd. Most vexing was that of a black-haired boy, whose gaze was a mixture of uncertainty and disappointment.  
  
Step by step, inch by inch, the duo traveled by the wilted moonlight. Yami could barely make out the distorted shadows of trees and buildings as he strained his eyes for better navigation. At one time he almost stumbled over a slab of cement protruding from the road and only managed to catch his footing at the last minute. Kaiba was _not_ making the journey any easier, his aura of apathy more frightening than ever. A cool zephyr rose, tossing back both travelers' hair; as Yami brushed a golden lock out of his eyes, he caught Kaiba's vacant gaze and made a decision.  
  
"Kaiba..I want to show you something. Will you come with me?" He didn't expect an answer and received none. Sighing, Yami led his impassive companion through the night.  
  
~*~  
  
It must have been near midnight when they finally arrived. The trip was long and laborious, and Yami was sure he'd lost sensitivity in both arms.  
  
'But a little sacrifice is worth it,' Yami thought as he settled both himself and Kaiba against the brick wall. At first, he had been hesitant about taking the brunette here; after all, Kaiba seemed far from being able to comprehend his next words. Well, it was certainly worth a try.  
  
Yami felt a wave of calmness wash over him as he gazed out the caged walls. From the top of the school, the whole of Domino City could be seen. Bright orange and yellow lights dotted the dark backdrop, forming infinite paths of glowing stars on the ground. As the artificial stars expanded in omni-direction, their numbers dispersed, leaving scattered lights surrounding the main cluster. So many shades..from red to orange to gold..in fact, if Yami looked hard enough, he could make out faint shimmers of blue tossed in the mix.  
  
For a moment, an almost-pleasant silence passed between the two as the lights winked congenially at them. Yami glanced at Kaiba, who stared out at the vastness with the same apathetic nature. Slowly, carefully wording his thoughts, Yami asked, "Tell me, Kaiba..what do you see?"  
  
No response. Well, he hadn't anticipated for one.  
  
Turning back to the vista, Yami continued, dropping his voice an octave. "Do you see the lights? Or do you see the darkness? Maybe both? Perhaps even in the middle, where the lights scatter across the eternal blackness. Do you notice how they form a path - a road.  
  
"Have you ever asked yourself, what do they mean? How do city lights and the night play a role in our existence? Let me tell you something, Kaiba," Yami's voice took a reflective turn. "They symbolize life...a choice between two things. The forked road every person brought into this world must eventually face. A crossroad. Whichever path they choose, they lose something. Whichever path they choose, they are unable to find happiness. But." a pause, "are there really only two paths to a forked road? No, there are infinite paths we could take. There is more than one path we should take. There is more than one path to the future. *  
  
"Open your eyes, Kaiba, and see for yourself." The game king gestured to the city below. "The lights are more than pretty imitations of stars. They form crossroads, each path leading to a different point. All the reds, oranges, yellows, even blues, create the countless paths before you. Choose one, and I assure you it will never be wrong.because each path has a forked road of its own, and a crossroad has more than just two ways."  
  
Yami stopped to catch his breath, then continued, "Don't dwell on the past; it's useless to turn back the other way when the future holds endless possibilities. Joey chose his own path: he doesn't hate you for your actions; you'll always have a special place in his heart - perhaps not as a lover, but as a dear, dear friend. Now, it's time for you to make the same decision. Which path will you take?"  
  
A ruminating stillness kissed the air as Yami allowed his speech to sink in; hopefully, some sort of reaction will be elicited from the stoic young man. If not.he prayed that Kaiba understood the message at heart.  
  
Minutes ticked by, the only sound existing as the whisper of the wind. Suddenly, Kaiba rose slowly to his feet and placed a feeble hand on the caged wall, as if trying to reach for one of the shining lights. Yami watched with sheer incredulity as a small smile graced the other's lips. Crimson eyes met azure, and a silent understanding passed between them.  
  
As Kaiba returned to the beautiful midnight panorama, he realized how true Yami had been: Joey's rejection was simply a road that he had taken a wrong turn on. But not far along the way would be new possibilities, limitless promises.  
  
Because there was more than one path he could take.  
  
There was more than one path to the future.  
  
Crossroads.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
* my friend's signature quote  
  
End notes: The message I was trying to convey to the audience is that just because of a certain mishap or bad experience, we shouldn't give up. We may not be able to control the events of the past, but we can definitely change the course of the future through how we react, the decisions we make, and what we do.  
  
I know some narrow-minded people who can't accept a loss. For days they would moan over it, unwilling to smile, speak, or listen. In fact, they have even taken on a suicidal streak, purposefully drawing scars across their wrists. I've pondered over their decisions for some time, and finally arrived at a conclusion: they have met a roadblock and can't go around it. No matter how hard they try, they can't see what lies ahead - they don't know that they can take control of their life and improve it.can't see the choices available to them.  
  
Thus, I tried to write a plot based on the results of their (the suicidal individuals) hardships. In this story, Kaiba was unable to move forward because of a misfortune (in this case, Joey's rejection), resulting in making his own life meaningless. He was confronted with the same roadblock, turned down the wrong path, like we all have during some point in our lives. It had taken Yami to show him that although he went the wrong way, there was still a chance to correct it.because every path - good or bad - separates into more roads. These new paths provide more opportunities and decisions that could pave a better road to the future. (I'd also like to add that, yes, Kaiba could have tried to commit suicide.but the idea seemed too mundane to me. Seriously, probably one in every five angst fics has someone killing him/her-self.)  
  
In other words, don't look back at a failure/defeat and remorse over it. I don't mean to be rude, but wallowing in self-pity won't make everything better. Instead, try to make (hopefully wise) decisions that can lead you to a more meaningful future.which is a lot better than living in a present filled with misery.  
  
I hope this story managed to deliver the message in the preceding paragraph. It's just that.I hate to see so many people - young and old - spend precious time suffering due to some mishap and miss all the other wonderful things they _could_ be doing.  
  
Just another piece of advice before I end this.Whenever you feel depressed, hurt, or hopeless, remember this one word: Crossroads. Then make a choice and live your life.  
  
~YK  
  
P.S. Constructive criticism is welcomed! ^_^ 


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